Y'all Come Sit a Spell

My sentimental answer is Blue, the dog from Emily Kimelman’s Sydney Rye series.

Blue is the kind of dog you do not simply choose. Blue chooses you. He is loyal, intelligent, protective, and deeply connected to the people he loves. He would understand the household, keep watch over everyone, and probably know exactly when I needed comfort without waiting for me to ask.

Unfortunately, Blue and Rowdy could not live in the same house.

Rowdy does not like boy dogs. This is not a minor personality difference. This is a firm policy position. Bringing Blue into the house would create a canine diplomatic crisis, complete with territorial negotiations, emotional speeches, and at least one party refusing to participate in the peace process.

So Blue is my sentimental winner.

My dream companion would be a dragon.

Not necessarily a giant, castle-sized dragon. I am thinking more along the lines of a warm, opinionated house dragon who sleeps in a basket, guards the glass menagerie, hoards shiny stones, and occasionally sets fire to something that deserved it. A dragon would be magnificent. A dragon would make errands more interesting. A dragon would also eliminate the need to explain certain personal boundaries.

But my final answer is Remy from Ratatouille.

I have reached the age where I no longer wish to cook. I want a tiny French mouse in a chef’s hat to take over the kitchen and prepare beautiful meals while I sit nearby and offer emotional support.

I would accept Remy’s judgment. He could criticize my pantry, reorganize my spices, and look personally offended by my shortcuts. He could stare at me in silence when I suggested dinner might come from a box. I would endure it all for the privilege of waking up to coffee, a perfectly balanced breakfast, and dinner that did not require me to stand over a stove wondering what fresh hell I had volunteered for.

Remy would have standards. I could live with that.

He would approve of smoked meats, respect the proper preparation of fried pickles, and understand that pineapple belongs on dessert pizza and nowhere else. He would probably object to sweet meat, which means we would already have a strong foundation for friendship.

Blue is the dog I would choose with my heart.

The dragon is the creature I would choose with my imagination.

Remy is the one I am bringing home because I am not cooking anymore.